Look At It This Way, You Could Have Been Hit By A Bus

Ah- the words that everyone in cancer treatment hates to hear and I got them once again yesterday. I agreed out loud like I always do “you are right being hit by a bus would have really sucked, I should count my blessings”. Inside though I was laughing. HAHA. At this time anything that wants a shot at me is going to have to get in line. I’m busy right now with two things already trying their best to kill me. On one side of the ring is cancer; a silent competitor that hadn't given me any painful side effects so far but he would love to get bigger and spread to all sorts of non-fun parts of my body. On the other side we have chemotherapy; a couple of poisons that I am choosing to drip into my body and they are right now actually slowly and painfully killing me. If I hang out with them long enough they will poison me up to and including death (I signed the waiver agreeing to it). It sometimes feels like being in the bottom of a deep dark slot canyon with both walls (one cancer, one chemo) closing in on me. I’ve done some canyoneering in the past few years and have really enjoyed it. The canyons are beautiful and dark and quiet and almost cathedral like. They test my courage on every downclimb and rappel. And this cancer /chemo canyon is all of that with a hell of a rappel and a big price tag to get into it. And I must admit it does get much darker and colder than my liking at times. But as with every other canyon I’ve been in, I have the tools I need to get out of it before the walls squash me; a long rope, a harness, a few biners, a helmet, a great team, a map, warm clothes, determination, sticky footwear, a smile, and a sense of adventure. I feel right now that this canyon is a bit too narrow and I’m getting caught between the two walls that are trying to kill me. But I know that I’ll find my way out of the canyon into the sunshine just in time for chemo and cancer to kill each other (!) and leave me the last one standing.
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Then that stupid bus can have a shot at me. But I’ll be so happy to have my normal life back that I’ll be really tough to catch - and who knows it might have to find me in a slot canyon!