Chemo 4 Surgeries 3 Radiation 33 Linda Won!

It is finished. It's been almost six months to the day that I was diagnosed back in early July. It seems like it was just yesterday but feels like it's been my entire life. Dad and Mom both came with me this morning. It was the worst driving conditions for Dad today of the whole ordeal with lots of snow and ice. I don't think he is going to miss the three hour commute we had each day. I know I never would have been able to do what I have done without him and Mom taking care of me. And I am really going to miss them. The staff was great at the cancer center with everyone coming around to congratulate me. They gave me a certificate that everyone signed, a book on what's next for me as a cancer survivor who has finished treatment, and an african violet. I don't have to go back until February 10th for meetings with each of my oncologists. In all I missed four days of work for surgeries, four days for chemo treatment days, four days from chemo pain, and a couple of half days from radiation fatigue.

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A lot has happened in my life in the past six months. Not all of it cancer related - believe it or not. I've gained a wonderful relationship with someone who is smarter than me if can you believe that :), started a fun challenging new job, moved into a comfy house with the perfect back yard, have four new scars, gained a huge appreciation for health care workers, explored some beautiful areas of Arizona and Utah, for the first time ever I used up all of my sick days at work, moved away from friends that I still miss terribly every single day, lost all of the hair on my body, look ten years older, felt more physical pain than I thought I could bear, heard some great new songs with lyrics that seemed written for me("December never felt so wrong"), learned that no matter how badly I felt for myself there are so many out there with much bigger struggles, first saw Charlie and Candy Mountain, went from the scared new girl to the wizened old timer in the radiation waiting room, brought home hundreds of cards of support from the post office, reaffirmed what a fantastically supportive family I am blessed to have, wrote checks for thousands of dollars, was bamboozled, made new friends (thanks chemo angels Linda and Cindy!), hated every single stinkin' second of being bald, gained weight, then lost some of the gained weight, learned way more than I ever dreamed about breast cancer, read lots of books, wrote lots of long wordy blogs like this one, felt pretty good about myself and all that I have and will accomplish, was blown away by all the support I received, gained an appreciation for every day that is not a chemo day, learned to wear hats, kept ignoring the elephant, and learned for a fact that laughter really is the best medicine.

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I was going to quit writing this blog in the next few days. I have even decided the opening and ending lines of the final blog. But I've got a few more pictures to post and a few more thoughts about cancer rattling around in my head. So, I think you are stuck with me for a little while longer anyway.

Waiting for The Call

You know, waiting really wasn't that hard. Moving somewhere new and starting a new job are great ways to keep your mind off the biopsy you just had. My parents stayed three more days and helped me unpack. Not that I was much help - I was supposed to not even do light housework for a few days and of course went back to work the day after the biopsy. They then left on Saturday and that day two friends of mine came to the canyon. One from Denver and the other from Phoenix. We met in Flagstaff first and shopped for the back patio and had some sushi of course! We then spent Saturday and Sunday setting up the stuff we got plus hung up the pictures I collected for years on a sunflower wall. Once again I was no help - they didn't let me do anything. I was pretty sore but the hole was really cool. I was thinking that it was going to leave a way cool scar but alas I no long have that hole. It didn't even last two eeks before it was replaced with a much bigger hole. Anyway, I am skipping ahead in my story. My friends did an awesome job both on the backyard and keeping my mind off The Call. Monday came and it was back to work - no call. So, I called them - the on call nurse was very helpful and tracked down my chart for me. She called back no results yet - she said it wouldn't now be until Tuesday morning and that they would call me. Well, Tuesday morning and no call - so once again I called them. This nurse was also helpful and she tracked my chart to my doctor's desk. She said she would have it brought down and she would call me back within a couple of hours. i was really hoping to get the Call soon - I just wanted it all behind me so I could focus on other things. Seriously, I'm in good shape now, I'm fairly young, I'm a positive person, and yes while I may not eat my veggies what were the odds really that this was cancer? The whole thing had just been an eyerolling pain in the butt experience that made me make a mental note to eat less red meat. Deep down I just knew it was going to be a false alarm.

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That afternoon on 7/07/08 I got The Call. The moment I heard "Hi Linda. This is Doctor Carter" my brain just stopped and time came to a stand still. I swear there was a month between "Carter" and "Is this a good time to talk?" When he said the actual words "breast cancer" I was staring out my office window at the tops of the trees noticing how much the wind was picking up. When he said I had to I quickly find a general surgeon I popped up my company email to see if there was anything new. I'm not sure what all was said that afternoon - it wasn't a long call but it lasted an eternity. I know he asked a couple of times if I was still there and he was great in offering to call around to see who the good surgeons were in Flagstaff. I even think his voice cracked a couple of times. He's been my doctor a long time and he was my surgeon back in 98 when one of my ovaries was taken out. After I hung up I remember just sitting there listening to life going on normally around me - tourists in the hallway asking where Maswik Lodge was, big tour buses full of happy vacationers driving past my window, my phone ringing, staring at my hands. I knew I needed to move that I needed to start finding help but I don't know what I was thinking, maybe just maybe if I didn't move it wouldn't be real and if it wasn't real I would never ever have to make The Call to my parents............

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Well, of course, I had to start moving. First I took some big breaths, then I picked my head up and straightened my shoulders. Time started to move at a normal pace again. I slowly got up from my chair, took three more deep breaths, slowly walked across the office and closed my door I thought for some privacy but ended up closing it on my old normal life. I then picked up the phone.