It's Been Three Months Since My Diagnosis

Time has gone both quickly and slowly. Three months seems both like a long time and like a very short time. I'm definitely experiencing a new normal. Cancer changed me physically. I have four new scars that I see every time I look in the mirror. I have a big dent from the lumpectomy. I am still numb in my arm pit and the back of my arm which I am still finding very annoying. I have a bump where the port is and a scar at the top of my neck that is visible with about everything I wear. Cancer has changed me financially. I would be doing pretty well right now but the bills have piled up so quickly that I am not sure every one will be paid on time. It's going to make the next couple of years a struggle anyway. Cancer has changed me emotionally and mentally. While I am emotionally exhausted from the struggle I feel like I am getting mentally stronger every day. It's made it much easier for me to see what is important in my life and I've been better able to appreciate the things in my life that are important to me and make me a better person. And I've been strong enough to make the choices needed to remove things from my life that don't deserve to be here and were not helping me be the person I can be. Cancer has brought me closer to my family and friends and has helped me see what phenomenal people there are that surround me, care for me, and love me. I am truly blessed and I hope I can some day I can return the sentiments. Cancer has also made my universe very narrow. I work and I come home. I feel like the world is turning out there without me but I know right now I have to focus on myself and all the things I want to experience and participate in will just have to wait a few months. I'll be back before too long.

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It's been a hard day. I am emotionally and physically tired. I don't think I did a very good job recuperating between session two and three or maybe being run down is just the nature of the beast as you continue on in the treatment. The pain and mental fogginess seem to be hitting sooner this time. I'm hoping a good night's sleep will help. It's made me melancholy this evening.

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And my beautiful favorite niece of my heart - I don't blame you for not wanting hair like mine. This time I want hair like yours! I think you should have your Mom seal you up in a box and mail you out here. HeeHeeHee!