And so it begins..............

In early June - I wish I could remember now how I found it but I think it hurt a little so was rubbing it - I found a lump at the top of my right breast. It felt big but to me nonworrisome. I had just accepted a new job with my company at the Grand Canyon so was planning on moving in early July. I had other things on my mind and maybe I was just imagining the lump anyway. Luckily in anticipation of moving I had already made an appointment in late June with my gynecologist. I put it out of my mind knowing I would show it to him then and it would be nothing. I had turned 40 the year before so I was supposed to have already had a mammogram but had been too busy at the time he recommended it so I never made the appointment. Aren't they supposed to be not very helpful anyway - I swear I read that somewhere. So, on June 20th of 2008 in my 41st year of this life I went to my appointment and showed him the lump. He said it wasn't my imagination but he was pretty sure it was a cyst that only needed to be drained. He did though highly recommended I get a mammogram to make sure before I moved on the 3rd of July. He gave me a written referral and said if I explained about the lump and that I was moving they should be able to get me an appointment in the next week or so. I was so focused on moving my stuff - changing addresses - saying good bye to my dear friends - starting a new job - finishing up the old job - all the usual excitement, sadness, frenzy, stress of starting a new chapter in life that I almost didn't make the appointment. I'd like to say that I am really happy that I did but then maybe if I would have ignored this whole thing it wouldn't be happening.

So why a blog? I say to myself it's to help me remember as I go through this process the different things that happen and to help keep dates, people, test results, etc. straight. I know though that it's going to be an outlet for me when I am alone. I am scared silly for myself I am having a very hard time letting myself be seen as scared silly to my wonderful family and friends who hate seeing me scared and are scared themselves.

I know I have to do this - I'm just not sure I can do this well. And I so want to be seen by those I love as doing this well.....

Next Time - The Mammogram and what is there really to be afraid of?