For Anyone Still Following Along...
1 year ago
Showing posts with label breast cancer. Show all posts
Showing posts with label breast cancer. Show all posts
Saturday, August 18, 2012
Wednesday, August 15, 2012
Mayo Clinic Visit Part 3
I decided to get a consultation at the Scottsdale Mayo Clinic after I wasn't really getting answers from my oncologist about some of the side effects I was having and when he didn't know about a couple of recent studies I read about online. Plus, I have not gotten a second opinion on anything up to this point. I wanted to know that what we have already done for treatment and what we are doing now were/are the best treatments/tests that can be done.
Getting the appointment went pretty easily. I had to fill out a couple of questionnaires online and talk to someone in their front office before getting a date and time. Once I got the appointment I had to get all of my medical records sent since my first mammogram. It took a lot of phone calls but everything eventually got sent to Scottsdale. I have also learned my lesson with the insurance company so I worked with them to make sure the visit was covered.
Scottsdale is around a four hour drive from here so I took a day off of work and traveled down the night before my morning appointment. There is a nice hotel right next door to the clinic and I got in right before 9pm and was able to get a last minute dinner. I was surprised how nervous I was but yet excited. My appointment was at 9:30 but I went over early to scout out where I needed to go and to get some breakfast if I had time. The facilities there are beautiful and everyone was very friendly. Heck, they even had underground parking so I was out of the hot Arizona sun and someone playing a grand piano in the lobby.
The oncologist I met with talked to me more in one hour than my current oncologist has in four years. It was great to have someone explain things to me and answer my questions directly and happily. I took pages and pages of notes.
One thing she told me that gave me some peace of mind, is that she would have positively had me complete chemo. She would not have even ordered the oncotype dx testing. With my age and the size of the tumor, she said that I had to have chemo. I still have nightmares about my time while on chemo and it was nice to have someone else agree that it had to be done.
I asked about the problems I have had with my legs and feet. She was able to map out places where I have little or no feeling. She said that it was neuropathy from chemo and that most people get gradually each year and that I was unusual for both the severity and the length of time I've had my problems. If it was going to get better, I should be better by now. She suggested that I try taking Vitamin B6 at 100mg per day to see if it helps. It won't get better right away but it might in a few months. She did say I could take Neurotin (sp?) but that it should be as a last result, like if I end up in a wheelchair, because of the negative side effects of it.
She said that she used to have everyone in my situation and on Letrozole get the Zometa infusions I am having every six months. New studies are showing mixed results though and that if I wanted to stop one thing that we are currently doing, that would be the one. She suggested getting bone density testing instead and then continue to test each year to keep an eye on it.
She said that I was at an odd age at my diagnosis and most women are either younger or older when they get breast cancer. It put me in a strange spot where I could either be treated as a younger or older patient. Most women in their 30s or younger get genetic testing. Since my tumor was so big she said that it probably started growing in my mid to early 30s and I could have genetic testing. She told me to maybe see if my insurance company would cover it and then decide. I guess it costs around $3,000. The pros she said is that I would either know if I was genetically inclined to get it or not and if so, I would have my mammograms or MRI tests every six months so we could catch it quickly when it comes back. Plus, my sisters and niece would know to keep up with their testing. On a side note, her assistant told me that there is a group of Jewish descent from Eastern Europe/Russia that carry a breast cancer gene. We believe that our ancestors on my mother's father's side of the family were Russian Jews.
We discussed my big weight gain during chemo. She said that she sees it a lot with the different drugs patients are given these days. She said since I am now taking Letrozole and after my hysterectomy it will be extremely hard, but I need to lose weight to lower my chances of recurrence. She noted that right now I could eat five pretzels a day and still gain weight. She wasn't too positive on my ability to do it but said that I must. Anything I can do to even lose a little will go a long way.
She said I should drink less than four alcoholic drinks a week and was happy to hear that I am taking an aspirin a day for my heart. She said that while there is not a lot of study on it since there isn't money to be made, there are signs that taking aspirin could really lower breast cancer recurrence risks. She also suggested taking an omega 3 fatty acid supplement or flax seed daily for my heart not to lower my chances or recurrence.
She said also that there is a big study going on right now studying if Vitamin D also helps lower breast cancer risk and was pleased that I am taking large weekly doses right now. She agreed that it will also help with the problems I am having with my hands as I raise my Vitamin D levels in my blood.
I asked about the six more years my oncologist wants me to take Letrozole. She said that the jury is out on how long to take it. She said with my young age and size of the tumor that the ten years total of tamoxifin / letrozole may be the way to go. She said that I should come back to see her in the fall of 2013, which will be the five year mark, to see what the studies are saying.
As far as what testing I should have, she said I should visit my oncologist every six months, unless I have unexplained pain and then I should go in if it lasts more than a couple of weeks. And then a mammogram every year.
So, other than the Zometa infusions, she thought we are doing exactly what we should be at this stage. I am so happy that I made the trip down to the Mayo Clinic and have started to take my health care into my own hands. I take my Letrozole, aspirin, and Vitamin B6 pills every day and my Vitamin D pill once a week. I'm starting to walk every night and am trying to lose weight. I had a echocardiogram and stress test this past Monday. I get the results in a couple of weeks. Hopefully they come back good and I can relax for a little bit.
Getting the appointment went pretty easily. I had to fill out a couple of questionnaires online and talk to someone in their front office before getting a date and time. Once I got the appointment I had to get all of my medical records sent since my first mammogram. It took a lot of phone calls but everything eventually got sent to Scottsdale. I have also learned my lesson with the insurance company so I worked with them to make sure the visit was covered.
Scottsdale is around a four hour drive from here so I took a day off of work and traveled down the night before my morning appointment. There is a nice hotel right next door to the clinic and I got in right before 9pm and was able to get a last minute dinner. I was surprised how nervous I was but yet excited. My appointment was at 9:30 but I went over early to scout out where I needed to go and to get some breakfast if I had time. The facilities there are beautiful and everyone was very friendly. Heck, they even had underground parking so I was out of the hot Arizona sun and someone playing a grand piano in the lobby.
The oncologist I met with talked to me more in one hour than my current oncologist has in four years. It was great to have someone explain things to me and answer my questions directly and happily. I took pages and pages of notes.
One thing she told me that gave me some peace of mind, is that she would have positively had me complete chemo. She would not have even ordered the oncotype dx testing. With my age and the size of the tumor, she said that I had to have chemo. I still have nightmares about my time while on chemo and it was nice to have someone else agree that it had to be done.
I asked about the problems I have had with my legs and feet. She was able to map out places where I have little or no feeling. She said that it was neuropathy from chemo and that most people get gradually each year and that I was unusual for both the severity and the length of time I've had my problems. If it was going to get better, I should be better by now. She suggested that I try taking Vitamin B6 at 100mg per day to see if it helps. It won't get better right away but it might in a few months. She did say I could take Neurotin (sp?) but that it should be as a last result, like if I end up in a wheelchair, because of the negative side effects of it.
She said that she used to have everyone in my situation and on Letrozole get the Zometa infusions I am having every six months. New studies are showing mixed results though and that if I wanted to stop one thing that we are currently doing, that would be the one. She suggested getting bone density testing instead and then continue to test each year to keep an eye on it.
She said that I was at an odd age at my diagnosis and most women are either younger or older when they get breast cancer. It put me in a strange spot where I could either be treated as a younger or older patient. Most women in their 30s or younger get genetic testing. Since my tumor was so big she said that it probably started growing in my mid to early 30s and I could have genetic testing. She told me to maybe see if my insurance company would cover it and then decide. I guess it costs around $3,000. The pros she said is that I would either know if I was genetically inclined to get it or not and if so, I would have my mammograms or MRI tests every six months so we could catch it quickly when it comes back. Plus, my sisters and niece would know to keep up with their testing. On a side note, her assistant told me that there is a group of Jewish descent from Eastern Europe/Russia that carry a breast cancer gene. We believe that our ancestors on my mother's father's side of the family were Russian Jews.
We discussed my big weight gain during chemo. She said that she sees it a lot with the different drugs patients are given these days. She said since I am now taking Letrozole and after my hysterectomy it will be extremely hard, but I need to lose weight to lower my chances of recurrence. She noted that right now I could eat five pretzels a day and still gain weight. She wasn't too positive on my ability to do it but said that I must. Anything I can do to even lose a little will go a long way.
She said I should drink less than four alcoholic drinks a week and was happy to hear that I am taking an aspirin a day for my heart. She said that while there is not a lot of study on it since there isn't money to be made, there are signs that taking aspirin could really lower breast cancer recurrence risks. She also suggested taking an omega 3 fatty acid supplement or flax seed daily for my heart not to lower my chances or recurrence.
She said also that there is a big study going on right now studying if Vitamin D also helps lower breast cancer risk and was pleased that I am taking large weekly doses right now. She agreed that it will also help with the problems I am having with my hands as I raise my Vitamin D levels in my blood.
I asked about the six more years my oncologist wants me to take Letrozole. She said that the jury is out on how long to take it. She said with my young age and size of the tumor that the ten years total of tamoxifin / letrozole may be the way to go. She said that I should come back to see her in the fall of 2013, which will be the five year mark, to see what the studies are saying.
As far as what testing I should have, she said I should visit my oncologist every six months, unless I have unexplained pain and then I should go in if it lasts more than a couple of weeks. And then a mammogram every year.
So, other than the Zometa infusions, she thought we are doing exactly what we should be at this stage. I am so happy that I made the trip down to the Mayo Clinic and have started to take my health care into my own hands. I take my Letrozole, aspirin, and Vitamin B6 pills every day and my Vitamin D pill once a week. I'm starting to walk every night and am trying to lose weight. I had a echocardiogram and stress test this past Monday. I get the results in a couple of weeks. Hopefully they come back good and I can relax for a little bit.
Sunday, August 12, 2012
Blood Work Part 2
So, back in May I decided to take my oncologist's advice and go to our local clinic and see what they thought about my side effects and to have my cholesterol checked since I had read that Letrozole can cause a big increase.
The doctor and I discussed my feet/legs/hands. She decided that we would do all sorts of blood tests and check for diabetes, thyroid problems, cholesterol, etc. etc. etc. It was on Memorial Day so they could not draw the blood that day so I came back the next day. Once again it took three sticks before they could get a needle in and they ended up using that big blue vein (artery?) on the inside of my wrist. It hurt like the dickens but they got the four big vials that we needed.
Called to get my results the next week and we went over all of the results. The good news was that almost all of the tests came back great. My LDL (bad) cholesterol came back high at 133 (should be 99 or lower) but my HDL (good) cholesterol was over 59 which is great. My C-Reactive Protein reading shoes a high risk for future cardiovascular event. And then I had a severe vitamin D deficiency. She suggested I come in and talk to the doctor.
I right away started an internet search on the vitamin D deficiency and right away found a 2009 study that says that women who had breast cancer and take Letrozole often have a vitamin D deficiency and that it can cause debilitating pain in the hands. I printed the study and mentally cussed out my oncologist for not letting me know this when I explained the problems I was having. It had gotten bad enough that I thought I would not be able to do my job in the near future and there was such an easy fix. I took the printout to my appointment and the doctor I met with had found the same study. It said that 16 weeks of taking 50,000 IUs of vitamin D would get levels up into the 60s and that most women then no longer had problems with their hands. I am 12 weeks into take the pills and feel so much better.
As far as the other results, the lady I met with actually has a background as a cardiologist physicians assistant and when she listened to my heart, she heard the heart murmur I have always had. She recommended that with the murmur and the results above that I should see a cardiologist for an echo cardiogram to see if chemo caused any heart damage or if there are any other problems from Letrozole. I had my first visit a month or so ago and he could also hear the murmur but he said that it was more of an extra sound instead of a murmur, he did an EKG on that visit and said that it looked good but with heart disease history in my family, history of chemo, the murmur, the high C-reactive Protein reading, and the Letrozole; he suggested I come back for a echo cardiogram and a stress test. Work, of course, has been super busy since then so I am finally getting in for those tests tomorrow. I won't hear the results for a couple of weeks but we will at least get a good feel for how my cardiovascular system is working right now and will have a baseline for the future.
I am very proud of myself for finally taking my health into my own hands. It has been too easy to just show up when and where they tell me, never ask questions, never argue, and always assume that they are doing everything they can. Tomorrow night, I let you know how the cardiologist visit goes and will detail what I learned from my visit to the Scottsdale Mayo Clinic.
The doctor and I discussed my feet/legs/hands. She decided that we would do all sorts of blood tests and check for diabetes, thyroid problems, cholesterol, etc. etc. etc. It was on Memorial Day so they could not draw the blood that day so I came back the next day. Once again it took three sticks before they could get a needle in and they ended up using that big blue vein (artery?) on the inside of my wrist. It hurt like the dickens but they got the four big vials that we needed.
Called to get my results the next week and we went over all of the results. The good news was that almost all of the tests came back great. My LDL (bad) cholesterol came back high at 133 (should be 99 or lower) but my HDL (good) cholesterol was over 59 which is great. My C-Reactive Protein reading shoes a high risk for future cardiovascular event. And then I had a severe vitamin D deficiency. She suggested I come in and talk to the doctor.
I right away started an internet search on the vitamin D deficiency and right away found a 2009 study that says that women who had breast cancer and take Letrozole often have a vitamin D deficiency and that it can cause debilitating pain in the hands. I printed the study and mentally cussed out my oncologist for not letting me know this when I explained the problems I was having. It had gotten bad enough that I thought I would not be able to do my job in the near future and there was such an easy fix. I took the printout to my appointment and the doctor I met with had found the same study. It said that 16 weeks of taking 50,000 IUs of vitamin D would get levels up into the 60s and that most women then no longer had problems with their hands. I am 12 weeks into take the pills and feel so much better.
As far as the other results, the lady I met with actually has a background as a cardiologist physicians assistant and when she listened to my heart, she heard the heart murmur I have always had. She recommended that with the murmur and the results above that I should see a cardiologist for an echo cardiogram to see if chemo caused any heart damage or if there are any other problems from Letrozole. I had my first visit a month or so ago and he could also hear the murmur but he said that it was more of an extra sound instead of a murmur, he did an EKG on that visit and said that it looked good but with heart disease history in my family, history of chemo, the murmur, the high C-reactive Protein reading, and the Letrozole; he suggested I come back for a echo cardiogram and a stress test. Work, of course, has been super busy since then so I am finally getting in for those tests tomorrow. I won't hear the results for a couple of weeks but we will at least get a good feel for how my cardiovascular system is working right now and will have a baseline for the future.
I am very proud of myself for finally taking my health into my own hands. It has been too easy to just show up when and where they tell me, never ask questions, never argue, and always assume that they are doing everything they can. Tomorrow night, I let you know how the cardiologist visit goes and will detail what I learned from my visit to the Scottsdale Mayo Clinic.
Saturday, August 11, 2012
2012 Medical News Part 1
OK, I admit, I've not done a very good job at keeping up with my medical news this year on my blog. I'll try to start at the beginning and get caught up in the next few days to what's currently happening.
I still have numbness and pain in my feet and legs (concrete feet) plus my hands get sore and weak. When I first stand up from sitting for even a little bit I limp and stumble until I get some feeling back in my feet. My hands get hard to close and ache after work and in the mornings. I am also worrying about some of the long term side effects of Letrozole that I have read about. I tried to bring some of this up with my oncologist but he either just kind of blows my questions off and says that I should talk to my primary care physician about it all and that he wants me to stay on Letrozole for at least seven more years. Did I mention before that when I told him how much pain I was in after the Zometa infusion he responded, 'You know I had a Zometa infusion recently and I was in a ton of pain, I just thought you women were a bunch of whiners but it really did hurt.' I realized then that he wasn't going to take my concerns and questions seriously. It was at that point that I decided to take my health into my own hands. While I will still see him for my cancer care, I got an appointment o talk to someone at the local clinic here and started applying to get an appointment to discuss my past and future treatment at the Mayo Clinic in Scottsdale.
My oncologist did sign me up for my yearly mammogram and this year he added a breast MRI. I was able to do both on the same day and it all took a couple of hours. The mammogram was as fun as always and the results came back fine. The MRI was worse than even the PET scan from a few years ago. I found out that they take a normal MRI and then pump some sort of liquid into you through an IV to see how it flows through. As usual, I don't really know what they did or used or were looking for. You would think after all of this I would take more time to write down the things they tell me or ask more questions. I do know that she had a horrible time getting the IV needle into me and ended up using that big blue vein (artery?) on the inside of my wrist. I think she tried to stick me three times. I was worried I would be sent away to some back another day when I was more hydrated but she got it in the end. I always tell anyone trying to stick me that after chemo there is no way they can hurt me but she did. The inside of the wrist is sensitive.
Once the needle was in I was put face down on a very uncomfortable table and with my hands out in front of me was slid into the MRI machine. They had a mirror that I could look into that showed the view out the other end. It helped with the claustrophobia. She gave me ear phones and asked if I would like music to help me lay still for the 20 minutes or so I would be in there. I said I didn't care but she insisted, saying that she had Pandora. OK - how about bluegrass? I was thinking some Alison Krauss would be great. She said I should ignore the loud noises, try not to breathe too much, and that after fifteen minutes they would shoot the dye (?) into me and that it would only last five minutes from there. She put a panic button in my left hand and left the room. That position and table was terribly uncomfortable and I started hyperventilating almost immediately. I couldn't for the life of me get enough air so I was taking all of these small breaths (trying not to move) and panicking more and more every second. I was looking forward to the music starting. I should have been more specific though, when it did start it was the old timey fast paced banjo bluegrass. Don't get me wrong, good stuff when it's live and in a barn but was enough to almost to get me to push the button. I didn't though and tried to go to my happy place (tropical island Greg and I visited on our last cruise) and enjoyed a margarita there until the whole thing was over. The result of this test came back good also so it was all worth it in the end. I think the more time there is between medical experiences these days, the more whimpy I get about it all. Next time I'll go back and read my blog about The Biopsy and nothing will seem as bad.
My next blog will be about my visit to the local clinic and what I found out from some blood tests they requested. After that I'll fill you in on all the stuff I learned at my appointment at the Mayo Clinic.
I still have numbness and pain in my feet and legs (concrete feet) plus my hands get sore and weak. When I first stand up from sitting for even a little bit I limp and stumble until I get some feeling back in my feet. My hands get hard to close and ache after work and in the mornings. I am also worrying about some of the long term side effects of Letrozole that I have read about. I tried to bring some of this up with my oncologist but he either just kind of blows my questions off and says that I should talk to my primary care physician about it all and that he wants me to stay on Letrozole for at least seven more years. Did I mention before that when I told him how much pain I was in after the Zometa infusion he responded, 'You know I had a Zometa infusion recently and I was in a ton of pain, I just thought you women were a bunch of whiners but it really did hurt.' I realized then that he wasn't going to take my concerns and questions seriously. It was at that point that I decided to take my health into my own hands. While I will still see him for my cancer care, I got an appointment o talk to someone at the local clinic here and started applying to get an appointment to discuss my past and future treatment at the Mayo Clinic in Scottsdale.
My oncologist did sign me up for my yearly mammogram and this year he added a breast MRI. I was able to do both on the same day and it all took a couple of hours. The mammogram was as fun as always and the results came back fine. The MRI was worse than even the PET scan from a few years ago. I found out that they take a normal MRI and then pump some sort of liquid into you through an IV to see how it flows through. As usual, I don't really know what they did or used or were looking for. You would think after all of this I would take more time to write down the things they tell me or ask more questions. I do know that she had a horrible time getting the IV needle into me and ended up using that big blue vein (artery?) on the inside of my wrist. I think she tried to stick me three times. I was worried I would be sent away to some back another day when I was more hydrated but she got it in the end. I always tell anyone trying to stick me that after chemo there is no way they can hurt me but she did. The inside of the wrist is sensitive.
Once the needle was in I was put face down on a very uncomfortable table and with my hands out in front of me was slid into the MRI machine. They had a mirror that I could look into that showed the view out the other end. It helped with the claustrophobia. She gave me ear phones and asked if I would like music to help me lay still for the 20 minutes or so I would be in there. I said I didn't care but she insisted, saying that she had Pandora. OK - how about bluegrass? I was thinking some Alison Krauss would be great. She said I should ignore the loud noises, try not to breathe too much, and that after fifteen minutes they would shoot the dye (?) into me and that it would only last five minutes from there. She put a panic button in my left hand and left the room. That position and table was terribly uncomfortable and I started hyperventilating almost immediately. I couldn't for the life of me get enough air so I was taking all of these small breaths (trying not to move) and panicking more and more every second. I was looking forward to the music starting. I should have been more specific though, when it did start it was the old timey fast paced banjo bluegrass. Don't get me wrong, good stuff when it's live and in a barn but was enough to almost to get me to push the button. I didn't though and tried to go to my happy place (tropical island Greg and I visited on our last cruise) and enjoyed a margarita there until the whole thing was over. The result of this test came back good also so it was all worth it in the end. I think the more time there is between medical experiences these days, the more whimpy I get about it all. Next time I'll go back and read my blog about The Biopsy and nothing will seem as bad.
My next blog will be about my visit to the local clinic and what I found out from some blood tests they requested. After that I'll fill you in on all the stuff I learned at my appointment at the Mayo Clinic.
Saturday, July 21, 2012
Sorry, It Has Been Awhile and I Missed My Yearly Cancerversary Blog
I let the four year anniversary of my cancer diagnosis go right by and didn't even think about writing my annual "thoughts on it all" blog. I had my sister's family visiting and the house was filled with giggles and love. I didn't even take a quick getaway trip by myself to reflect. The further I get from that time the more the memories fade and the fear that was so pervasive back then lessens. I do think often of those that helped me back then that are no longer with us and I follow the blogs of some that aren't going to win their fight. Every day I am appreciative that I am still cancer free but I have to admit I let the little things get to me more often than just last year. Maybe that is a good thing? It means that my life is back to normal? I hope not, one of the great things that came out of my cancer fight is learning first hand how no matter how bad every day life gets, it is still all good as long as my, my family's, and my friend's health is good. Every day is a blessing if we are all well. I do still have some chemo side effect issues and some problems with letrozole but I'll detail those in a different blog. I've had a bunch of blood tests run, visited the Mayo Clinic, and an seeing a cardiologist but all tests are coming back cancer free! Two friends of mine had their own breast cancer fights this past year. They are doing well. Life continues on and we are at another presidential election, I missed the last one while being in chemo treatment and am looking forward to voting this time around. I hope to add another dog to the family soon and have pictures from a couple of vacations to post on here. Here's to a year of no "you have cancer" phone calls!
Tuesday, June 5, 2012
Sunday, May 27, 2012
Struggling with My New Normal
I keep hoping I'll get back to my old physical self when I could hike forever and not slow down. Where I was only limited by my fear of heights on what canyons I could go down. Six or seven hours of sleep was more than sufficient and I wasn't in constant pain. I'm not sure if it will ever happen now. I struggle with not getting too down on myself. I still have so much pain that it is so hard to do the work needed to get closer to what I was. I am trying though and not long ago we took a canyoneering class in Utah. I wanted to see if I was even capable of doing rappelling again. It was a GREAT day and it did give me hope that I will be able to once again travel down the canyons I love. Maybe not as well or as long or as far as I used to but my joy will be the same. Here are a few pictures from our class.
It was a beautiful day! Life is good
Love this picture! I look happy
This is fun!
I'm still smiling
Heading back to the car. Sore, excited, happy, and tired. Maybe I can do this!
Nice having my old helmet on again
I can still set up an anchor
Hoping my hands are strong enough for this
It was a beautiful day! Life is good
Sunday, October 23, 2011
We Saw 50/50 This Weekend
I really liked it. I could tell it was written by someone who went through a cancer battle. It was funny and sad. I laughed a lot and teared up a few times when it hit close to home. They nailed it when the whole world sort of slowed down and he didn't hear another thing after the doctor said the word "cancer". And when he walked out of the doctor's office after his diagnosis into a hallway of people. The whole world looked different, he was no longer the same person he was just a few minutes before and yet here was the world continuing around him like nothing happened. He was healthy, he didn't smoke or drinks, he recycled and yet he still got cancer.
The only time I couldn't stop the tears was when he put his head against his Mom's and hugged her before his big surgery. That just reminded me of being with my parents before each of my surgeries. I tell you, it is much easier being the one who is sick than one of the loved ones watching. This was the second show I saw in a week that had cancer patients with overbearing Mothers. Mothers that smothered and let everyone know just how much their kid's cancer diagnosis affected them. That was completely opposite of my experience. I have the two most wonderful parents. They let me know from day one that they were on the train ride with me and that they weren't getting off until I got off first. They only made me feel loved and supported, I never had any inkling of the sacrifices they made during my treatment and since. They never acted like they were scared and were always positive. It had to be a terrible experience for them and my sisters seeing me in such pain and getting sicker and sicker not too mention how it all could have ended. But they never let me see it. Seeing them being so strong and positive gave me the strength to be the same. I owe them for so much and can never ever repay them.
Anyway, back to the movie. It was a great movie, a bit raunchy but it hit a lot of true notes. I thought they handled the subject manner well without being too light hearted but not too heavy handed. The main character "Adam" is very likable. The others are like in real life, some are there for you and some pull away just when you need them most. There are those that tell you how to beat the cancer and those that tell you about how their aunt died from exactly what you have. Some medical professionals are personable and caring, others are professional and move you from here to there without answering many questions. Some of the best people you meet are in the chemo chair next to you and not everyone survives. Losing you hair is no fun and chemo is painful. It is nice to have a canine companion to sleep next to during treatment. You can't do it alone and you are going to inconvenience others. It is good to get your rage out when it builds up too much and it is also good to apologize to those who you took your pain out on. You try to hang in there but eventually you get so tired of being sick that you feel like you just can't handle it any more.
The movie screenplay was written by Will Reiser. He was diagnosed with cancer in his late 20s and the movie is loosely based on his experience. I read somewhere that he was encouraged by Seth Rogan to write the screenplay. "We thought the best way to pull something good out of the situation was to get him to write a screenplay," Rogen is quoted as saying in the production notes. I think they succeeded in pulling something good out of the situation.
Friday, September 9, 2011
This is what drives me crazy about cancer treatments
(MedPage Today) -- Breast cancer patients treated with endocrine therapy might improve their odds for survival by starting with tamoxifen and then switching to an aromatase inhibitor, authors of a meta-analysis concluded.
Upfront therapy with aromatase inhibitors have substantial cumulative toxicity, which could explain the lack of overall-survival benefit despite significant improvement in disease-free survival observed with the agents.
Longer-duration use of aromatase inhibitors increased the odds of cardiovascular disease and bone fractures but decreased the odds of venous thrombosis and endometrial cancer.
Overall, five years of treatment with aromatase inhibitors resulted in a trend toward increased mortality compared with five years of tamoxifen or a switching strategy, as reported online in the Journal of the National Cancer Institute.
"Our pooled data are consistent with data reported previously in the individual studies, which showed that compared with tamoxifen, aromatase inhibitors are associated with increased odds of bone fracture and reduced odds of venous thrombosis and endometrial carcinoma," Eitan Amir, MB ChB, of Princess Marget Hospital in Toronto, and coauthors wrote in their discussion.
I take my new little aromatase inhibitor pill every day with the hope and faith that I will get to live a fulfilling long life. Then I read things like this - "substantial cumulative toxicity" or "lack of overall-survival benefit" or "longer-duration use of aromatase inhibitors increased the odds of cardiovascular disease and bone fractures" So, while my little pink pill may save me from breast cancer, there is no increased overall survival benefit because it is going to kill me with something else. The whole article can be read at Aromatase Therapy Timing Key in Breast Cancer Survival on the breastcancer.org site. Yes, it looks like it is a good thing that I started with taking tamoxifen first and then switching to an AI but notice that the study was done with women taking the two meds for five years. My oncologist wants me to take the letrozole for eight years. Eight years. What is the "substantial cumulative toxicity" of EIGHT YEARS of this stuff. Heart problems run rampant through my family history while there is no one who has had my type of breast cancer. Am I shortening my life each morning when I take my pill? Am I lengthening my life each morning when I take my pill? I just don't know and it drives me crazy.
Upfront therapy with aromatase inhibitors have substantial cumulative toxicity, which could explain the lack of overall-survival benefit despite significant improvement in disease-free survival observed with the agents.
Longer-duration use of aromatase inhibitors increased the odds of cardiovascular disease and bone fractures but decreased the odds of venous thrombosis and endometrial cancer.
Overall, five years of treatment with aromatase inhibitors resulted in a trend toward increased mortality compared with five years of tamoxifen or a switching strategy, as reported online in the Journal of the National Cancer Institute.
"Our pooled data are consistent with data reported previously in the individual studies, which showed that compared with tamoxifen, aromatase inhibitors are associated with increased odds of bone fracture and reduced odds of venous thrombosis and endometrial carcinoma," Eitan Amir, MB ChB, of Princess Marget Hospital in Toronto, and coauthors wrote in their discussion.
I take my new little aromatase inhibitor pill every day with the hope and faith that I will get to live a fulfilling long life. Then I read things like this - "substantial cumulative toxicity" or "lack of overall-survival benefit" or "longer-duration use of aromatase inhibitors increased the odds of cardiovascular disease and bone fractures" So, while my little pink pill may save me from breast cancer, there is no increased overall survival benefit because it is going to kill me with something else. The whole article can be read at Aromatase Therapy Timing Key in Breast Cancer Survival on the breastcancer.org site. Yes, it looks like it is a good thing that I started with taking tamoxifen first and then switching to an AI but notice that the study was done with women taking the two meds for five years. My oncologist wants me to take the letrozole for eight years. Eight years. What is the "substantial cumulative toxicity" of EIGHT YEARS of this stuff. Heart problems run rampant through my family history while there is no one who has had my type of breast cancer. Am I shortening my life each morning when I take my pill? Am I lengthening my life each morning when I take my pill? I just don't know and it drives me crazy.
Friday, August 12, 2011
Oncologist Visit
I finally stopped my boycott of all doctors on Wednesday. My tamoxifen prescription ran out and I had to make an appointment to get a new one. I had a good run though from the beginning of March until this week. I made it almost through the whole appointment before he gave me a hard time about the length of time between visits. I put my head down like I felt badly about it and promised it wouldn’t happen again. But between you and me, it was worth it! It has been a great doctor free spring and summer.
But I am now back in the medical fold. He suggested that I change from tamoxifen to an aromatase inhibitor (AI). He said that there is a better chance for survival on an AI for someone with my cancer history and since I had the hysterectomy and ovary removal. In an oversimplified nutshell – tamoxifen stops your body’s ability to use estrogen while AIs stop the body from making any estrogen. Of course ovaries are the main source of estrogen in a female body so women with their ovaries who have not gone through menopause cannot take them. But in the case of those of us without ovaries, the body also makes estrogen in other ways. Taking an AI will stop those other ways. My cancer was estrogen positive – meaning it fed and grew off of estrogen. So, if there is no estrogen, any cancer cells left in my body will not grow. OK – simple enough, I buy it. I tried to read the different studies concerning tamoxifen vs. aromatase inhibitors. One I read said that in women who have been on tamoxifen for two to three years and then switch to an AI, there is a 50% better long term survival rate. I don’t know who did the study, maybe it was the manufacturer of the AI I am going to be taking but I like the sound of that. Other studies show the opposite. So, it all boils down to my decision. Through it all I have always taken my doctor’s advice and I start taking letrozole on Monday.
The list of potential side effects is as long as the tamoxifen list and then some. I hope I do not have the hair thinning, the debilitating joint pain, the brain fog, or the sky high cholesterol that others complain of. I was worried about how much it was going to cost but it seems that there has been a generic version since last year. My pharmacist called today and said that it will only cost me $15 a month. Awesome! AIs do cause the body to lose bone density each year so I will have to go twice a year to have some sort of infusion to counteract the osteoporosis. I have my first one next week and I’ll find out more about it, I didn’t ask. My oncologist did say that I may feel achy like I have the flu for a few days afterwards. I can handle that. It is no chemo. I also go back in three months (I promised!) and we will discuss any side effects I am having and I can decide then whether I want to change back to tamoxifen again.
We also discussed how long I was going to continue to take medication. He had told me when I started on tamoxifen that it would only be for five years. I asked about the letrozole hoping it would be the same. He said that there have been some promising studies out of Europe showing that ten years is the most beneficial for both tamoxifen and AIs. He said we could discuss it again in three years.
So, I went to the doctor’s office this week thinking I had two years left of taking a medication which is causing me no bad side effects to seven years of taking a medication that could cause me all sorts of problems. See why I avoid doctors as much as I can?
But of course, if there is any chance that this new medication can give me a large chance of survival, I am obviously going to give it a try. And after spending too much time reading about the negative side effects, I’ve decided to not worry about them. Life is too short for worrying about something that may not happen. I’ll let you know………
But I am now back in the medical fold. He suggested that I change from tamoxifen to an aromatase inhibitor (AI). He said that there is a better chance for survival on an AI for someone with my cancer history and since I had the hysterectomy and ovary removal. In an oversimplified nutshell – tamoxifen stops your body’s ability to use estrogen while AIs stop the body from making any estrogen. Of course ovaries are the main source of estrogen in a female body so women with their ovaries who have not gone through menopause cannot take them. But in the case of those of us without ovaries, the body also makes estrogen in other ways. Taking an AI will stop those other ways. My cancer was estrogen positive – meaning it fed and grew off of estrogen. So, if there is no estrogen, any cancer cells left in my body will not grow. OK – simple enough, I buy it. I tried to read the different studies concerning tamoxifen vs. aromatase inhibitors. One I read said that in women who have been on tamoxifen for two to three years and then switch to an AI, there is a 50% better long term survival rate. I don’t know who did the study, maybe it was the manufacturer of the AI I am going to be taking but I like the sound of that. Other studies show the opposite. So, it all boils down to my decision. Through it all I have always taken my doctor’s advice and I start taking letrozole on Monday.
The list of potential side effects is as long as the tamoxifen list and then some. I hope I do not have the hair thinning, the debilitating joint pain, the brain fog, or the sky high cholesterol that others complain of. I was worried about how much it was going to cost but it seems that there has been a generic version since last year. My pharmacist called today and said that it will only cost me $15 a month. Awesome! AIs do cause the body to lose bone density each year so I will have to go twice a year to have some sort of infusion to counteract the osteoporosis. I have my first one next week and I’ll find out more about it, I didn’t ask. My oncologist did say that I may feel achy like I have the flu for a few days afterwards. I can handle that. It is no chemo. I also go back in three months (I promised!) and we will discuss any side effects I am having and I can decide then whether I want to change back to tamoxifen again.
We also discussed how long I was going to continue to take medication. He had told me when I started on tamoxifen that it would only be for five years. I asked about the letrozole hoping it would be the same. He said that there have been some promising studies out of Europe showing that ten years is the most beneficial for both tamoxifen and AIs. He said we could discuss it again in three years.
So, I went to the doctor’s office this week thinking I had two years left of taking a medication which is causing me no bad side effects to seven years of taking a medication that could cause me all sorts of problems. See why I avoid doctors as much as I can?
But of course, if there is any chance that this new medication can give me a large chance of survival, I am obviously going to give it a try. And after spending too much time reading about the negative side effects, I’ve decided to not worry about them. Life is too short for worrying about something that may not happen. I’ll let you know………
Friday, July 8, 2011
Three Years Since Breast Cancer Came Into My Life
Today is my three year cancerversary. It almost snuck up on me this year. Not much has happened since last year but this past year has been a year of healing for me both mentally and physically.
I can have days go by without dwelling on my diagnosis or treatment. I still spend time on the internet researching treatments /side effects/research findings, reading other breast cancer blogs, and visiting the message boards but it all doesn’t seem so personal any more. Almost like it happened to someone else, someone I am close to but not me. I’m not saying that something won’t trigger my memories and that I don’t end up back in the horror of that time but it definitely happens less often. I hardly ever dream about having cancer anymore and I’m hoping my friends and family find I talk about it less.
Horrible things happen to people every day. This day three years ago was one of those days for me. Hearing the pain in my doctor’s voice over the phone as he told me and then hearing the pain in my parents’ voices as I told them are memories that will always be seared in my brain. Time stood still as my mind tried to wrap itself around how much my life had changed in that one instance. I can’t erase those memories and I don’t think I want to any more. The whole cancer experience is now a part of me and a part of who I am.
I worry that sometimes I am a little too Pollyannaish but no matter how terrible and scary life can get, it has so far not even been close to how bad 07/08/08 was for me. And I survived that. I am still here plus I am happy and healthy. I am not saying that things are always great and that I always have a smile but when I start to get brought down by something happening around me, I can draw on the knowledge that I have the strength to get through just about anything. Plus there is the elephant in my brain that, while he has grown much smaller, he is still there making sure that I know I am not out of the woods yet. People often survive the first round of cancer but it can come roaring back in a second and next time I might not be so blessed/lucky. So, when time could be short for me, why the heck would I want to spend time worrying about something that happened at work or something breaking that can be fixed, or something that I am going to recover from. My life could be short, why spend it sweating the small stuff. And as long as I and my loved one’s are healthy, it is truly all small stuff. Life can go oh so wrong in just a second. One phone call can change your life forever. If there is one thing I have learned in the past three years, it is to live life like that phone call could happen any second. Today is a glorious day and so far the phone has not rung.
Physically, since my hysterectomy in January, I feel almost normal. I still have some constant aches from just above my lumpectomy scar and in my joints, I still have burn scars from radiation, and my hair is still very dark. Other than that I have no complaints or even any concerns right now. With all of the pain and subsequent testing to see if the cancer spread in the past three years, it has been wonderful to just live life and not have those constant scares. I think it has been three months since I have been to see a doctor! I still have two months left on my tamoxifen prescription so I might even make it five months. I used to go years with no contact with the medical community but for a while there I was going in daily which isn’t fun when it is over an hour drive to the cancer center. Not that I don’t love and appreciate all of my medical care providers, I just hope I don’t have to see them much in the future.
I’ve read that the side effects from chemo can linger for years. I think I am over the worst of them. My hands no longer get numb, my hair is long, my memory has come back, and I am starting to lose the weight I gained during treatment. I still have some circulation problems with my lower legs and feet but it is getting much easier to walk long distances. My mantra after treatment was that each day was better than the last and I truly believe that was true. The body’s ability to heal after being pumped full of poison is an amazing thing.
My last thought of the day – improvements in cancer treatment are made every day. I was very lucky to come into the fight at a time when some huge advancements had been made and I am feeling great today because I had some less invasive treatments than cancer patients had even five years ago. I am encouraged that I am reading about research findings that have been made even in the three years since my diagnosis. Please consider donating to a cancer research fund. Or even to my team for the Susan G. Komen 3 Day walk. I have to believe that there is a better way to fight cancer and that someday there will be a cure. I hope it is in my lifetime.
Here's my post from this day last year. I didn't write one on the first anniversary of my diagnosis. I think it was still too raw in my mind and I still just wanted the whole experience to go a way.
.
I can have days go by without dwelling on my diagnosis or treatment. I still spend time on the internet researching treatments /side effects/research findings, reading other breast cancer blogs, and visiting the message boards but it all doesn’t seem so personal any more. Almost like it happened to someone else, someone I am close to but not me. I’m not saying that something won’t trigger my memories and that I don’t end up back in the horror of that time but it definitely happens less often. I hardly ever dream about having cancer anymore and I’m hoping my friends and family find I talk about it less.
Horrible things happen to people every day. This day three years ago was one of those days for me. Hearing the pain in my doctor’s voice over the phone as he told me and then hearing the pain in my parents’ voices as I told them are memories that will always be seared in my brain. Time stood still as my mind tried to wrap itself around how much my life had changed in that one instance. I can’t erase those memories and I don’t think I want to any more. The whole cancer experience is now a part of me and a part of who I am.
I worry that sometimes I am a little too Pollyannaish but no matter how terrible and scary life can get, it has so far not even been close to how bad 07/08/08 was for me. And I survived that. I am still here plus I am happy and healthy. I am not saying that things are always great and that I always have a smile but when I start to get brought down by something happening around me, I can draw on the knowledge that I have the strength to get through just about anything. Plus there is the elephant in my brain that, while he has grown much smaller, he is still there making sure that I know I am not out of the woods yet. People often survive the first round of cancer but it can come roaring back in a second and next time I might not be so blessed/lucky. So, when time could be short for me, why the heck would I want to spend time worrying about something that happened at work or something breaking that can be fixed, or something that I am going to recover from. My life could be short, why spend it sweating the small stuff. And as long as I and my loved one’s are healthy, it is truly all small stuff. Life can go oh so wrong in just a second. One phone call can change your life forever. If there is one thing I have learned in the past three years, it is to live life like that phone call could happen any second. Today is a glorious day and so far the phone has not rung.
Physically, since my hysterectomy in January, I feel almost normal. I still have some constant aches from just above my lumpectomy scar and in my joints, I still have burn scars from radiation, and my hair is still very dark. Other than that I have no complaints or even any concerns right now. With all of the pain and subsequent testing to see if the cancer spread in the past three years, it has been wonderful to just live life and not have those constant scares. I think it has been three months since I have been to see a doctor! I still have two months left on my tamoxifen prescription so I might even make it five months. I used to go years with no contact with the medical community but for a while there I was going in daily which isn’t fun when it is over an hour drive to the cancer center. Not that I don’t love and appreciate all of my medical care providers, I just hope I don’t have to see them much in the future.
I’ve read that the side effects from chemo can linger for years. I think I am over the worst of them. My hands no longer get numb, my hair is long, my memory has come back, and I am starting to lose the weight I gained during treatment. I still have some circulation problems with my lower legs and feet but it is getting much easier to walk long distances. My mantra after treatment was that each day was better than the last and I truly believe that was true. The body’s ability to heal after being pumped full of poison is an amazing thing.
My last thought of the day – improvements in cancer treatment are made every day. I was very lucky to come into the fight at a time when some huge advancements had been made and I am feeling great today because I had some less invasive treatments than cancer patients had even five years ago. I am encouraged that I am reading about research findings that have been made even in the three years since my diagnosis. Please consider donating to a cancer research fund. Or even to my team for the Susan G. Komen 3 Day walk. I have to believe that there is a better way to fight cancer and that someday there will be a cure. I hope it is in my lifetime.
Here's my post from this day last year. I didn't write one on the first anniversary of my diagnosis. I think it was still too raw in my mind and I still just wanted the whole experience to go a way.
.
Sunday, June 5, 2011
National Cancer Survivor's Day
Today is National Cancer Survivor's Day. It falls on the first Sunday of each year. The first year it came around after my diagnosis I was invited to a luncheon that is put on by the NA Cancer Center. I at that point just wanted to put it all behind me and honestly, I was a bit embarrassed that I was a cancer patient. Last year, I got the same invite and enjoyed going to the luncheon with my boyfriend and another dear friend. It was great to see the staff from the cancer center and to laugh with them on how different I looked with hair. This year I did not get an invite so maybe they didn't hold it this year or I just didn't make the list. I think I wouldn't have gone though, I am enjoying the simple pleasures of boating this summer. Each weekend that we can spend out exploring seems like such an important life affirming time for me that I would hate to miss one. Playing with Daisy in the water, reading a book on the boat as it sways with the waves, starting to get my body in shape again while exploring the desert slickrock, the easy relaxed conversations with my boyfriend, swimming and laughing in the cool water, ending the day with a fire on the beach - all of them are exactly what I was fighting for as I battled cancer. So, it was the perfect way for me to celebrate that I am here for another National Cancer Survivor's Day.
Here's to all of my fellow cancer survivor's out there. I hope you each had a perfect day also. And I also have a quiet prayer for those who cancer took too soon and to those that are still battling to get back to what they love in life.
Here's to all of my fellow cancer survivor's out there. I hope you each had a perfect day also. And I also have a quiet prayer for those who cancer took too soon and to those that are still battling to get back to what they love in life.
Sunday, May 15, 2011
Melissa Etheridge
Melissa was diagnosed with breast cancer in 2004. I clearly remember her bald performance on the 2005 Grammy Awards show. I thought - wow, I could never do that. Well, it was only a few years later that I made the choice to be out in public bald. I'm glad it wasn't in front of millions. Here's a video of Melissa talking about her breast cancer fight and how it affected her music.
Here is that 2005 Grammy performance
Here are the full versions of the two songs she talks about in the video
Here is that 2005 Grammy performance
Here are the full versions of the two songs she talks about in the video
I Run for Life
This is Not Goodbye
MelissaEtheridge.com has a breast cancer awareness page that can be seen at http://iam.melissaetheridge.com/pink/
Tuesday, May 3, 2011
Thursday, April 28, 2011
New Your Times Online - Picture Your Life After Cancer
Some of you may remember this blog that I wrote last May. The online version of the New York Times had asked cancer survivors to upload their photos and insights about life after cancer on their "Picture Your Life After Cancer" photo gallery. I uploaded a couple of pictures and wrote out some thoughts about life after cancer along with close to 900 other cancer survivors. Click here to see the virtual wall of survivors and read their thoughts.
Yesterday I received this email -
Dear Linda:
Thank you again so much for your submission to our “Picture Your Life After Cancer”photo gallery. The response has been tremendous, with over 800 photos already collected. Now we want to share with you the exciting news that your submission to the feature has been selected for publication in a book to be published next year by the American Cancer Society. The book will comprise 200 -250 “Picture Your Life After Cancer” submissions that have appeared on The Times website.
Congratulations, and our sincere thanks for contributing.
Karen Barrow
------------
Karen Barrow
Producer, Health
NYTimes.com
Yesterday I received this email -
Dear Linda:
Thank you again so much for your submission to our “Picture Your Life After Cancer”
Congratulations, and our sincere thanks for contributing.
Karen Barrow
------------
Karen Barrow
Producer, Health
NYTimes.com
Here is the photo I submitted - Cancer Girl Surfs the Wave
Sunday, April 3, 2011
Going to Bat Against Breast Cancer
I have enter Major League Baseball's honorary bat girl contest. With a huge amount of help from my friend Steph wrote we wrote an awesome entry and she talked me into using a picture of myself bald. We had 900 characters to tell how I have gone to bat against breast cancer and increased awareness. It was hard but I think we have an interesting and original entry. Please check out my story and the other compelling stories that have been posted. Click here You can find me by searching by team (Diamondbacks) and then I am "Canyon to a Cure". I would appreciate your votes but there are some amazing women on there that are also worthy of your votes.
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
Fundraising Time Again
It seems like the 2010 3 Day Walk was just last week but it is time to start fundraising again for the 2011 walk. I hate asking people for money and other types of donations especially in this economy. I am just amazed at the generosity of my friends and family. No big plans yet to change our fundraising activities. We will have a Diamondbacks ticket raffle with a Chili Cookoff and a National Park trip raffle with an All You Can Eat Hot Dog BBQ. So far we have overnight stay gift certificates at Zion, Grand Canyon, Crater Lake, and Yellowstone National Parks. Keep an eye out here and I'll keep everyone updated on our final prizes and how to enter the raffle.
Right now we have six team members on Team Grand Canyon. We hope to end up with seven or eight. In the past two years we have raised over $35,000 and hope to raise another $20,000 this year. All donations are very much appreciated. Just click on the 3 Day widget to the left of this page to make a donation by credit card.
Right now we have six team members on Team Grand Canyon. We hope to end up with seven or eight. In the past two years we have raised over $35,000 and hope to raise another $20,000 this year. All donations are very much appreciated. Just click on the 3 Day widget to the left of this page to make a donation by credit card.
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
Back to Work Tomorrow!
Sorry I have not posted in awhile. I had my surgery on January 20th as planned and it was successful. It was harder and took longer than the doctor thought but I was only in the hospital for two nights. I've been at home recuperating since then. My doctor wanted me to take six weeks off of work but I have been feeling pretty good and have not taken any pain pills for the past two and a half weeks. She agreed to let me start back to work after five weeks which is tomorrow! I have some pictures from the hospital that I will post this weekend. I am also going to start to take my life back by getting out and exercising every day and eating better. I will also be posting on my progress on both of those and I would love to have all of you keep on me to keep it up. I am ready to wear all of my pre-cancer clothes again and I am determined to walk the entire 60 miles of the three day walk this year.
Thursday, January 6, 2011
Two Years After Cancer Treatment
It was two years ago today that I walked out of the Northern Arizona Cancer Center after finishing my final radiation treatment. They gave me a certificate of accomplishment and a violet plant.
It was almost exactly six months from my biopsy to finishing treatment. My treatment consisted of a lumpectomy, four chemo treatments three weeks apart, 33 radiation treatments, and a five year prescription of tamoxifen. When I first started treatment I couldn’t wait for it to end. When it finally did end, I was not so sure. At least we were doing something before and now, all of a sudden, I was thrown back into “normal” life. My parents went home, I was in constant pain, I was bald, and the bills were piled up. I was exhausted and struggling to get my life back in control. Everyone expected that I should be tickled pink to be finished and able to move on with my life. The constant struggle to be positive and strong was taking its toll. I even shocked myself with how low my outlook was after my final treatment. I was given a second chance, why was I so sad? If I didn’t have to get up for work, I often spent the entire day in bed. I was a physical and mental wreck.
I can see why depression is common in cancer survivors. For six months all of my efforts were pointed towards beating cancer. Now there was time to face the fear, the pain, and the grief of my cancer diagnosis. I wasn’t sure I was ready to spend the rest of my life as a cancer survivor. Plus there was the fear of recurrence. Since my diagnosis, I have spent very little time thinking “why me” but I have driven myself sick with worry wondering “what if” it returns. The thought of recurrence is always with me. What if I just went through all of that and it didn’t even work? I have a piece of paper that says I have a 13% chance of my cancer returning and killing me. Yikes!
Also, I have to admit I look nothing like I did the day of my first surgery. I’ve gained a whole bunch of weight, my hair is taking forever to grow out and it is way too dark, I have numerous scars and radiation tattoos which keep me from wearing low cut shirts, I will never give birth to a child (this one makes me weep even writing it), and I am deformed. Every time I look in the mirror I am reminded of what happened and I grieve for the person I was. I know I am more than just my scars but I am still not comfortable with them. I hope to someday look at them with pride.
It has been a hard uphill battle for me ever since treatment has ended and I am a bit embarrassed to admit it. I guess depression is never easy to talk about. I wish I had spent some time with the cancer center therapist two years ago. It might have gone easier for me. I encourage anyone out there experiencing depression after cancer to talk to their doctors about it. Or talk to other survivors. From what I read 25% of cancer survivors experience depression so there are plenty of other people out there who know what you are going though. I have had this blog which helped me express some of what I was thinking and I spent time talking with others on various breast cancer web sites. I am also blessed to have a supportive family, awesome friends, and the best boyfriend ever. While I never really talked to them about what I was going through, just having them in my life made things better. Time and distance have also helped but if I am not careful I can find myself descending into depression again.
I have been told that I am an inspiration to others and while I am not sure I deserve the accolade, I am proud of where I am today. I would like to think that others can look at me and see that there is life after breast cancer and it can be wonderful.
While it has been easy for me to spend too much time looking backward, as each day passes I spend more and more time looking forward. I do not know what my future will bring but I will continue to raise money for the Susan G. Komen Foundation, I will continue my commitment to improving physically, I will do my best to be a support to others going through the same struggle, I will continue to feel better about myself, and I will continue to be a breast cancer survivor.
Wednesday, January 5, 2011
2010 Arizona 3 Day Walk - Cheer Stations
By far one of the best parts of the 3 Day walk was the spectators. At almost any given time during the course there are people cheering, handing out goodies (Steph calls it Halloween for adults), holding up signs, dressing up, yelling "thank you for walking". There are two or so official cheer stations everyday with lots of people and pink. There are also all sorts of "walker stalkers" who are found several times a day all along the route. The people who live in the neighborhoods we walk through also come out, cheer, and decorate their lawns. Entire schools come out and line up to give us high fives. It is amazing to see the number of people are there to encourage us. And it is easy to get used to feeling like a rock star. Walking into work on Tuesday is kind of a let down - no one yelling "good job" and giving me otter pops. Here are some of my favorite pictures of our cheering spectators.
Team Grand Canyon with the sign my parents made.
I like this picture because one of the main reason I walk is for my friend Gladys who died way too young from breast cancer. Note the sign to the right - all along the route there are signs put up by the walk organization. One of my favorites reads - "Lunch One Mile"
Super heroes against breast cancer! That's me on the left.
Not just surviving...thriving!
Love, Love, Love This One!
Rock Stars Against Breast Cancer - it is the same group as the Super Heroes above. They changed outfits numerous times during the walk and we saw them many times each day.
Steph is Nacho Boobre.
We also saw this young man numerous times a day - he was always smiling just like this.
A couple of Judy's friends cheering the walkers along.
All sorts come out to cheer.
Look! It's my favorite cheerers!
These guys are great!
What it kind of looks like walking through a cheer section - without all of the noise.
Team Grand Canyon with the sign my parents made.
I like this picture because one of the main reason I walk is for my friend Gladys who died way too young from breast cancer. Note the sign to the right - all along the route there are signs put up by the walk organization. One of my favorites reads - "Lunch One Mile"
Super heroes against breast cancer! That's me on the left.
We saw these two at almost all of the cheer stations.
Not just surviving...thriving!
Love, Love, Love This One!
Rock Stars Against Breast Cancer - it is the same group as the Super Heroes above. They changed outfits numerous times during the walk and we saw them many times each day.
Steph is Nacho Boobre.
We also saw this young man numerous times a day - he was always smiling just like this.
A couple of Judy's friends cheering the walkers along.
All sorts come out to cheer.
Look! It's my favorite cheerers!
These guys are great!
What it kind of looks like walking through a cheer section - without all of the noise.If you are in the area next November, come out and join the fun!
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