Today's Appointment with the Oncologist

It was nice to see Angel Nancy again. She stopped by while I was waiting in exam room one. I was all set for this appointment - I had my questions in a list, I visualized on the way over being calm and reasonable with the doctor, I took deep breaths, and had psyched myself up to keep my cool and stay focused. There must be something about that building though - I got out of my car and I started sweating and trembling. My hands were shaking so hard I could barely sign in. (I'll have to work on that because I'll be spending some quality time there.) So like I said , it was very nice to have Nancy stop by, calm me down, and laugh at my lame attempts at jokes. By the time the Doctor walked in I had most of my chemo procedural questions answered and I could ask him some reasonably intelligent medical questions.

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We got my oncotype test results back and they came out exactly as he predicted - I scored a 19. This is just barely into the average range - a few points lower and I would be in the low risk for recurrence range with a slow growing cancer. But average risk is better then high risk I'm thinking so it is not necessarily all bad news. The decision had already been pretty much made but these results sealed the deal - I will be going through chemotherapy. Since I have decided to not participate in the clinical trial he recommended that I do four treatments with Taxotere/Cytoxan. I'm with you - did we hear that right?? He said it again when I asked him to repeat it - only FOUR treatments - one every three weeks. That's six weeks shorter than I was expecting. If any of you had listened closely in a quiet moment this afternoon you might have heard me singing at the top of my lungs and dancing the whole way home. Probably not many people celebrate finding out they are doing chemo but I really really needed some good news and I took those six weeks and partied with them. Scheduling it all out - all of the treatments of chemo and radiation will be finished by Christmas - CHRISTMAS!! Huge New Year's Eve Party at my house and all of you are invited!

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And the winner of the "who gets to go with Linda to her first chemo" award is - drum roll please - opening the envelope - it's my little sister!! Yep - first chemo is on August 26th - two days after she gets here and one day after our Mother's birthday. Happy Early Birthday Mom!

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The Doctor held one hand up high and said "this is a very aggressive chemo treatment plan", he held the other low putting a couple of feet between the top and bottom hand "this is a nonaggressive chemo treatment", he moved the top hand down a couple of inches "this is the treatment we are using on you". He said one of the good points other than we are being aggressive is that with this TC treatment the side effects aren't usually as harsh as some other treatments can be. I will still lose the hair (blahblahblah - you have heard all about this ad nauseam) plus there can be some swelling. Oh great I have a few months of looking like Uncle Fester ahead of me. But hey that's six weeks less than I thought................ (sorry I took a break and did a little soft shoe)!!! He gave me a few prescriptions to be filled before the big day and sent me out to make all of the appointments. The first chemo trip will take most of the day with the different blood work that needs to be done and a bit of an orientation class. Once we start though he said it would only be a few hours in the chair.

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So quick recap, port put in next Tuesday August 19th, then the first chemo session on the 26th, hair all out by September 12th, second chemo the 16th of September, the third on October 7th, and the LAST treatment on October 28th. I should start radiation a couple of weeks after that (a little mini vacation for them from seeing me!) and even radiation should be finished by my birthday. I'm telling you - figuring out the whole logistics of this breast cancer thing is like having an annoying second job. I just wish it paid better. If I lose my day planner I'll never remember everything.

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So, those are the dates - anyone who wants to join Linda for a chemo session had better sign up soon because it's going to be over before any of us know it. Just having a game plan and moving forward to a cure is very encouraging for me.

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I'll be in Flagstaff tomorrow night getting ready for the Climb to Conquer Cancer hike on Saturday bright and early. I picked up our T-shirts today and they said 4,000 people will be there. I was thinking 500 - 4,000 seems like a huge number. I guess it just shows how many people have their lives touched somehow by cancer - or maybe they just have good food at the top of the mountain. I'll post pics later in the weekend.

Thanks Everyone!

More Info About Cancer I Never Thought I Would Know

Ok - tonight's lesson, the Oncotype DX. The Oncotype DX ® is a diagnostic assay that quantifies the likelihood of breast cancer recurrence in women with newly diagnosed, early stage breast cancer. In addition to predicting distant disease recurrence, Oncotype DX also assesses the benefit from chemotherapy. It uses formalin-fixed, paraffin-embedded tumor tissue to analyze the expression of a panel of 21 genes and the results are provided as a Recurrence Score (0-100). Right now insurance only covers this test in women who are early stage (1 or 2) and are hormone positive and node negative. Hey - that's me! Which is good since the test costs close to $5,000. Yikes! Seriously I had better get a free T-shirt before this is all over. I am paying for a lot of new boats for these doctors/pharmaceutical companies.

Angel Nancy first mentioned this test to me not long after surgery and she made sure that they sent out for this test. The trick is to have a low low number - less than 15 would be nice. This means that the cancer is not a fast grower which translates to a smaller chance of having cancer cells spread and also means that the cells are such slow growers that chemo really does not give much of a benefit in destroying any cells that might have spread. I was kind of hoping my score would be low enough to have my oncologist not recommend chemo but alas it was not to be. At the last appointment while he said he was fine with waiting for the test results before starting chemo he thinks I will get an intermediate score and even if by chance it does come back low with the other characteristics of my tumor he is still going to recommend chemo. I should have the scores back on the 13th in time for my appointment on the 14th. I have decided to go with whatever my oncologist (and every other doctor I have talked to seems to agree with him) recommends. Maybe though his decision will change when he finds out my cancer cells are the slowest growers ever and my tumor took 30 years to get to that size! Yep I've had cancer since I was 10! Let that be a lesson to you youngins out there - don't be like me - eat you veggies~!

One thing I just thought of - the request for this test was made close to two weeks after my surgery - they needed tumor tissue to analyze. Yuck - where the heck are they keeping my tumor tissue!?>!?!>! Wonder if I can get some to keep in a jar! Remember last month when I was showing everyone my wisdom tooth I had taken out - this would be way more fun to show people. "Guess what this is?"

Have I mentioned that I named my tumor "smacky duck"? I thought "smacky" was no more but she's still out there somewhere or at least some of her.

I am still lousy at telling people about this. I've just started to blurt it out - no warning - "I've got cancer". Sorry to all those whom I traumatized with my blunt announcement. Anyone have any hints on how to tell people? I'd prefer that I'd not be known as cancer girl but I figure it will be easier on all if I give folks a head's up before I show up bald. It's going to be hard enough from my end but just think about it from my unsuspecting co-worker's point of view. Someone you see everyday all of a sudden has no hair - what do you say? How do you not swallow you tongue and how do you not stare? I'm all about watching people's reactions in funny uncomfortable situations but this one is too mean even for me.

Why the heck with all of this (by this I'm thinking pain, chance of death, the sending away of lots of $, putting my life on hold for seven months, the hours of driving, watching of my loved one with tears in their eyes, etc.) does baldness have to be one of the symptoms of chemo? Sigh. I keep thinking I'll just go au natural but to avoid scaring young children I might have to invest in a wig. Actually, the cancer society here has a used wig depot -which seems a little creepy but it makes sense. If I do get a wig when I'm done with it I will never want to see it again and would like to think it will help someone else out. So, I don't know maybe a kicky red haired bob. Then today I saw a girl with a really cool bandanna but then she had hair so it might not look as good on me. I do have some great ball caps though. I said that when I moved here I was going to start wearing hats - here's my chance. I am going to do something way awesome for Halloween though! Give me some ideas - pirate is always good but over done. I could draw a pirate on the back of my head and walk around backwards - now that's a good one!

Sad pathetic note - can't believe I'm admitting this. I took some great pics of my hair last night so I can remember us like we were - while we are still together and happy. New theme song India.Arie's "I Am Not My Hair".

You know though - it's not so much the losing of my hair - I actually think it will be kind of interesting to be bald (plus I've always hated my straight hair and it might come back curly) and reading the other side affects of chemo it will be the least of my worries once we get to that point. It's what others are going to think of me that I am freaking out about. No way will I be able to hide what I'm going through. I've had some friends seriously offer to shave their heads with me - I think that is awesome but one of the absolutetly dumbest things I have ever heard. You know who you are and trust me I would never in a million years do the same for you! So, keep your beautiful locks and tear off a fingernail or two for me instead! Yep - another fun chemo side affect, your nails crack and fall off....

OK - I know I said I'd post reasons why life it good. I'm still working on my list. I had a dear friend ask me to finish my earlier post "these cancer cells are messing with the wrong lady". She writes I encourage you to keep going... TELL ME WHY... WHY do those cancer cells not know what kind of woman they are messing with????? What kind of woman are ya, huh? Why do you want to live? Why do you want to survive? Do you deserve that? Huh? Why?????????? Because, believe me, that is exactly what those cells are screaming out inside of you for you to answer.... so let me have it... I want to know, in bleeding, screaming, shining vivacious color for all the world to hear.... WHY ARE YOU GOING TO CHOOSE LIFE????? She sent those questions on July 29th. I still don't have any answers for her. I'm working on this list too...............