I'm Angry

I've moved on to a new emotional stage in my cancer adventure. As you know I started out with shock and numbness, I then moved onto complete denial (I still have partial denial). Then during chemo I was just too miserable to even care. Now I've moved onto anger. I'm try to make angry eyes right now to show you my anger but it's hard to do without any eyebrows. I've only been to three radiation treatments so far and I think they hate seeing me coming. Yep - that's right I never knew this but apparently when I am angry I tend to take it out on others. I wish that at least someone deserves it but everyone at the cancer center is being so great (darn them!) Anger is a new emotional state for me. Yeah - I'm still really angry at the stupid University of Michigan for winning the NCAA basketball tourney in 1989, smoke starts coming out of my ears even thinking about it, but in general I am not at all an angry person. Until now. I'm angry I had to get cancer when I live so far from town. I'm angry that I've added four tattoos to my four scars. I'm angry I'm still bald. I'm angry that I've lived here since July and I have not been below the rim once yet. I'm angry that this feels like someone else's body. I'm really angry at my insurance company but that's a blog for another day. I'm angry that I have no control of my life right now. I'm angry at myself for being so unhealthy with my eating habits. I'm angry that an unforeseen project at work is making me work more hours than I should (can). I'm angry at myself for being angry - I have so many blessings and here I am being angry at the world (heck I had surprise champange show up in the mail today, how awesome is that?). I'm angry that in the past four and a half months I look like I've aged ten years. I'm especially angry that after four and a half months of "treatment" - there is still no end in sight. Right now I may not be failing cancer but I am getting a C-. I think I know a sister that owes me a butt kicking and not a lollipop. AARRGGGHHHH!!