Much Ado About Close to Nothing

Everything went just swimmingly yesterday. It was almost anticlimactic after all of my nervousness. My radiation oncologist says I am healing well and doesn't want to see me for another six months, my chemo oncologist wrote me a new tamoxifen prescription and doesn't want to see me for three months, and best of all everything looked good with the mammogram! Life is good!

First February Post

Well I almost made it a month without checking in. I must say I am enjoying not having cancer as the be all and end all for me. I can make it an hour or two without even thinking about it and can go half a day or so without it coming up in conversation. I even have writer's block when it comes to this blog! I just don't have any drama for all of you and find my nice happy life a little boring. :) I find I laugh and smile even more often than I did BBC (before breast cancer). Which really is a nice thing to be able to say. It's a very pleasant side affect for me. I know I keep talking about it but still when something starts to get me down I just have to think about what I've been through to know that any day I am healthy is a day of joy. I hope I can keep that feeling of joy to continue. I've been out playing every weekend with trips to Las Vegas, Tucson, Sedona just in the last three weeks. I don't intend to slow down at all but I do get tired easily still. I am reminded of it all every time I look in the mirror or try to run my fingers through my hair. It's almost been four months since my last chemo treatment (do you believe it's been that long!) and my hair is still less than an inch long. sigh..... Work is going great with all sorts of fun challenges and great co-workers. Maddie is well but slowing down a bit more all the time. I love my life.

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Tomorrow though I go back to the cancer center for appointments with both oncologists and my first mammogram since the lumpectomy. 90% of me knows that everything is going to look fine, the lump I can feel under the incision is just scar tissue, and I'll get to say hi to old friends and not go back for another six months. The other 10% of me is darting around my brain bouncing against the walls freaked out that things won't look that fine. I can't even imagine what my reaction will be if I ever hear that the cancer is back and if I let that 10% take over even for a little bit tonight I think I'd be curled up on the bathroom floor crying. Even though I have said I wasn't worried and I've tried every argument I could think of to get him not to - Greg is going with me tomorrow. Do you believe it's still hard for me to accept the support of others? I am so appreciative that he is taking time out of his busy schedule and that I will have him there with me but at the same time I feel bad for causing all this ruckus. Anyway, that's my excitement for the month and I'll post tomorrow night whatever I find out. Good Night!